sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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