i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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