My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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