absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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