Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
