i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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