Welp...herpes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
