curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
