It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
