If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
