So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
