my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
