my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
