$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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