I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
