You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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