I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
