you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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