I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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