Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
