i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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