i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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