If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
