i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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