The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
