Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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