I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
