I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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