If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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