too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
