He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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