I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
