Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
