cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
