things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
