Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
