I feel like abortions should bother me more
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
