I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
