i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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