dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
