Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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