I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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