Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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