if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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