you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
