all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
