allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
