i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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