Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
