she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
