u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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