and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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