I wannas sexs uuuuu
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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