Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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