doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
