wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
