Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
