Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
