is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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