have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
