"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
