Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
