Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
