piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
