id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
