I hate your face
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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