I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
