ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This toilet bowl is my home.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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