What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
