I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
